The Hare and the Tortoise
by HowFar
Summary: Here are the parts that Aesop failed to tell you about the famous race.


I guess you're aware

Of the tortoise and hare

Who had challenged each other to race

I'll bet you don't know

The complete story though

So I'll tell the whole tale, just in case

Hare trained hard each day

An impressive display

Though his friends said, "Just think of your knees!"

The tortoise, called Jake

Spent his time eating cake

Just the thought of a run made him wheeze

Now, Jake had a mate

Who, concerned with his weight,

Said that Jake should join him at the gym

Then on the first day

Jake got carried away

And signed up for a race on a whim

Jake ran once or twice

When the weather was nice

Though he wouldn't go out in the rain

He'd bought all the gear

But was slightly unclear

How his new fancy watch helped him train

Meanwhile Phil the Hare

Had won more silverware

And collected a trophy or two

His big target race

Was to take the first place

In the marathon held at the zoo

The big day came round

And poor Jake could be found

Taping packets of sweets to his shell

He'd used all the space

On his own carapace

So he filled up a bum bag as well

As runners prepared

The loudspeakers blared

With loud music to help them warm up

They jogged on the spot

And they stretched quite a lot

While tortoise drank coke from a cup

A pig at the front

Announced with a grunt

That the race had a problem or two

A typing mistake

By a quite clumsy snake

Meant he just had a starting gnu

He yanked on the tail

The gnu gave a wail

And the runners set off down the road

The hare started fast

Runners watched him zoom past

Jake set off at a crawl, and then slowed

"Yes, yes," you all say

"This race starts the same way

As the tale we all know from Aesop

Then hare has a snooze

In the end he will lose

To the tortoise who just wouldn't stop"

Prepare for a shock

As I try to unlock

The full truth of the story for all

There's no forty winks

Just because the hare thinks

That the tortoise can't win with a crawl

Phil was in the lead

And he thought he'd succeed

In a recording a personal best

If you're in his place

At the head of the race

Would you really lie down for a rest?

The truth I'm afraid

Is that poor hare got sprayed

By a skunk that he'd given a fright

One whiff of the gas

Knocked him down on the grass

And from then he was out like a light

While all this took place

At the front of the race

Our friend tortoise was doing quite well

He'd fancied some lunch

So had started to munch

On the jelly beans plucked from his shell

Because of the heat

Every sugary treat

Had started to melt and turn sticky

He only had claws

Not fine fingers like yours

So picking just one sweet was tricky

They came in a clump

One sweet, sugary lump

So he shoved the whole lot in his face

With sweets from his nose

To the tips of his toes

He'd completely forgotten the race

High up in the sky

Was a hawk flying by

Who was scanning the ground from above

It's eyes opened wide

When it suddenly spied

Just the kind of a snack it would love

Some fresh tortoise steak

Was a great thing to take

To his nest on the outskirts of town

With wings swept right back

He was set to attack

And with no time to waste he swept down

Sharp talons spread out

So there seemed little doubt

That the hawk would collect its next meal

But its feathers got stuck

In the melted sweet muck

And for hawk this was less than ideal

As hawk left the floor

To soar skywards once more

Our fat tortoise pulled off one more trick

He'd eaten a lot

And the fright that he'd got

Meant that he was incredibly sick

The hawk took a peek

At the colourful streak

That was spewed up all over his breast

It started to drip

So, releasing his grip,

He decided a wash might be best

Jake started to cry

As he fell from the sky

He was still shaking from the attack

His luck turned around

For when reaching the ground

He landed, quite safe, in a haystack

He lay on his back

In the comfy haystack

Thinking hard about what had occurred

It's not everyday

You get carried away

Then throw up in mid-air on a bird

It made his legs weak

Just to think of that beak

And the fact he was nearly a meal

To add to his stress

Now his shell was a mess

The whole thing had been quite an ordeal

He slid to the ground

Took a good look around

There were only two creatures near by

A hare, who looked drunk

Plus a jittery skunk

But just then something new caught his eye

What came into view

Well, it couldn't be true

He was sure it must be a mistake

Fifty yards down the road

Tables just overflowed

With the lightest and creamiest cakes

He started to crawl

Though each step was quite small

Because all his legs felt like jelly

More cakes came in sight

Tortoise gasped in delight

A loud rumble came from his belly

The whole crowd went wild

But the tortoise just smiled

As he plodded towards chocolate cake

But with treats of all sorts

Sponges, gateaux and tortes

It was quite a decision to make

As he nibbled some pie

Race director came by

To ask how he felt, as the winner

"All I have to say,

At the end of the day

I'm glad to be getting some dinner.


End file.
